Canzonetta is back after a long time. Canzonetta had a hangover. Hangover of life.
“Hey soumi let me talk for myself”…uhhh okay there u go...
Ya so here I am. Feels good to be back... J
Back from where? Being hollow, clueless, cold, a struggle to clear the fuzziness all around.
Back to where? Being me.
Did I want to come back? Desperately, yes.
What made me come back? An angel.
How? One day when the world was colourless, not even a hint of grey to show me gloom. All senses numb. An angel came to me. She smiled. Gave me a mirror and asked me to look into it. Initially I couldn’t see anything. Crumbled back into my empty shell. Negating existence. She didn’t give up .gently made me shed away all inhibitions and made me look into the mirror. This time I saw sparks of orange. But only for a moment. One moment. I turned to her bewildered. She smiled. Serene, gentle, pure.
This time I looked into the mirror again without being guided, without being told. On my own. I screamed with joy. Tiny blots began appearing and in no time there was a riot of colors. I wanted to thank my angel but I couldn’t see her anywhere around me. I searched for her everywhere. She was gone. Trembling, I looked into the mirror again. And there she was. It was the same face, the same divinity but where was the smile? Where was the glow? There were drops of silver streaming down her cheek. Her wings were disheveled.
Her hair ruffled her shining dress tattered and shabby. The colors started disappearing from my angel’s world.
I screamed. I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to save her.
I called out her name. Nothing.
I called again. This time she saw me but didn’t respond.
But she knows am waiting for her. The mirror is the panacea of all sorrow. She needs to look into it.
Am still calling.
Can you hear me angel?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
Struck!!!
“There she goes, there she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can’t contain
This feeling that remains”………
Me Canzonetta promise, vouch, declare, swear, not enough???....okay take an oath….no am not in love and more so not with a girl!
Fine then why am I singing this song? That’s very simple – am jobless, bored, lack the intellectual supremacy to profess anything worthwhile and because I’m ‘struck’.
‘Struck’- not by an arrow, lightning, a bully, hunger and definitely not cupid. Suspense!!!! Am struck by a strike. Simple eh??
Okay wait a minute there might be people outside my small friend circle in my sonar bangle reading my mindless babble (yes soooooooooooooooooomeday they will…..wishful thinking I know!!!)But if ever they do they will perhaps not find it all that simple. Then I must take up the endeavor to introduce all and sundry to this glorious festivity of Bengal. For starters a strike or closer home a ‘bandh’ is supposedly a ‘peaceful’ instrument of protest against uh…..well just about nethng.A democratic right!!
Still confused????Okay I’ll elaborate (I get to talk more….am lovin it!!)
On a typical bandh day the city of joy takes a joyous holiday. empty streets, closed shops, disrupted assemblylines, schools and colleges vacant (we don’t need no education!!), offices unpenetrable.Local tendulkars and ronaldos occupy the lanes and saranis.Bangali babus offer their opinions on the necessity/(un)necessity of a bandh over several rounds of ‘gorom cha’.Political parties(supporters and non supporters with equal zeal) take out rallies. Several obscure faces sigh. They will not get lunch perhaps not even dinner. But then who cares???”We do, we do”-all colors (red, green, blue, yellow, orange…..)Shout out in unison.Afterall everything that they do is for the betterment of the people of Bengal. But upon my word I have till date not managed to get a glimpse of ‘those people.’ An old lady couldn’t make it to the hospital she made it to heaven instead. My neighbor who had her eyes on the ‘red and white bravery award ‘and likewise attempted to reach her workplace was awarded with 9 stitches on her forehead. But its still ‘peaceful’ and such inconveniences should be considered for the greater cause. Of course we do. Options neone???
That’s nouf I guess. For more updates it’s necessary to spend one bandh day in kolkata (one might even decide to stay back forever-such surprise holidays r never possible newhere else u see)
Very soon from now we will again be blessed with a purposeful holiday. I’ll again be struck! And I’ll again sing “there she goes, there she goes again……”
Racing through my brain
And I just can’t contain
This feeling that remains”………
Me Canzonetta promise, vouch, declare, swear, not enough???....okay take an oath….no am not in love and more so not with a girl!
Fine then why am I singing this song? That’s very simple – am jobless, bored, lack the intellectual supremacy to profess anything worthwhile and because I’m ‘struck’.
‘Struck’- not by an arrow, lightning, a bully, hunger and definitely not cupid. Suspense!!!! Am struck by a strike. Simple eh??
Okay wait a minute there might be people outside my small friend circle in my sonar bangle reading my mindless babble (yes soooooooooooooooooomeday they will…..wishful thinking I know!!!)But if ever they do they will perhaps not find it all that simple. Then I must take up the endeavor to introduce all and sundry to this glorious festivity of Bengal. For starters a strike or closer home a ‘bandh’ is supposedly a ‘peaceful’ instrument of protest against uh…..well just about nethng.A democratic right!!
Still confused????Okay I’ll elaborate (I get to talk more….am lovin it!!)
On a typical bandh day the city of joy takes a joyous holiday. empty streets, closed shops, disrupted assemblylines, schools and colleges vacant (we don’t need no education!!), offices unpenetrable.Local tendulkars and ronaldos occupy the lanes and saranis.Bangali babus offer their opinions on the necessity/(un)necessity of a bandh over several rounds of ‘gorom cha’.Political parties(supporters and non supporters with equal zeal) take out rallies. Several obscure faces sigh. They will not get lunch perhaps not even dinner. But then who cares???”We do, we do”-all colors (red, green, blue, yellow, orange…..)Shout out in unison.Afterall everything that they do is for the betterment of the people of Bengal. But upon my word I have till date not managed to get a glimpse of ‘those people.’ An old lady couldn’t make it to the hospital she made it to heaven instead. My neighbor who had her eyes on the ‘red and white bravery award ‘and likewise attempted to reach her workplace was awarded with 9 stitches on her forehead. But its still ‘peaceful’ and such inconveniences should be considered for the greater cause. Of course we do. Options neone???
That’s nouf I guess. For more updates it’s necessary to spend one bandh day in kolkata (one might even decide to stay back forever-such surprise holidays r never possible newhere else u see)
Very soon from now we will again be blessed with a purposeful holiday. I’ll again be struck! And I’ll again sing “there she goes, there she goes again……”
Thursday, January 4, 2007
canzonetta's alive
Meet canzonetta.Not much reason why you should.But sometimes we all do things maybe to necessarily defy reason.count this as one such random venture.So yes gettin back to my primal intention(i deviate a lot you see!)Canzonetta is.....a thought...a lie...a shield...a smile..a lingering solitude.Canzonetta is green and a girl.difficult! yet she breaths..
I don't know where she lives...don't know where she is from...where is she headed???Never asked her.it seldome bothers me coz whenever i wish to talk to her she has a strange way of appearing out of nowhere..
How long do i know her??? ummmmm..my memory fails me here...A long time...or is it that its jus this moment??
Is Canzonetta my friend? perhaps not.Yes she has given me a vision,she has given me light,she has given me the ardour to live,she has comforted me.saved me........Do i hear someone whispering "then why do you refuse to call her your friend you ungrateful fool?"oh yes she has given me all that..but she has given me questions and more questions..and know what?Each time i strive i fail to get answers.But that cold cruel girl deserts me jus there...i beg ..i plead..But still no answers..She loves to see me fumble..broken..ohh how many more times!!!
I know she seeks vengeance coz she is a nobody withiut me.she exista coz i do.she would have remained a loser..trapped under layers of emptyness...screaming..i gave her the voice..i gave her life..she needs me!
And i want her to need me..bcoz that need wud eventually lead me to those answers i have been searching all my life.perhaps her existence is in it's entireity a journey into 'myself'.So beginning from this moment Canzonetta gets to meet the world.I give her the world...
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